Jens Thieme - Personal - Professional - Hobbies - Life - Engagement by Jens Thieme at thie.me

Jens Thieme - Personal - Professional - Hobbies - Life - Engagement by Jens Thieme at thie.me. Jens Thieme Motto: Playing Hard, Living Loud, Moving Fast, Resting Deep, Enjoying it All!

April Fools Pranks April 1, 2009

Woopra to Launch World’s First Webcam Spy Feature for Web Sites

Woopra, the world’s fastest growing Web Analytics provider, today announced that the next version of its wildly popular real-time Website monitoring application will allow users to remotely activate and view Website visitor’s built-in Webcams.

The company’s chief scientist, Dr. Lirpa Sloof, said, “Woopra already provides the most robust, feature rich and easy to use Web analytics available. Today we extend our market lead by integrating our latest patent-pending technology to give Webmasters more information about their visitors than ever before.”

Combined with Woopra’s unique abilities to display individual Web site visitors in real time and track them by name, this new technology levels the playing field by enabling companies and individuals alike to gain unprecedented visibility into user demographics and preferences.

According to John P., iFusion Labs CEO, “Governments have been using this technology for over a decade. What we’ve done is simply made it available to the general public.”

Internet Reboot Today

As you may have heard in the news, the Internet will be rebooted today and is expected to be down for around one minute. A global consortium of ISPs and technology companies has called for the action following several periods of instability over the past few years.

People forget that the Internet has been running continuously since the 1970s. This reboot will provide greater stability for years to come. We’re also hoping it will result in fewer viagra and scam messages.

Some of the equipment down there is nearly 40 years old. There are missing fuses, exposed wires and unterminated cables: it will be dangerous.
Anyone surfing the net or sending a large email attachment at 11.59 could easily electrocute one of my team.

Become a mountain cleaner in Switzerland

We do everything to make summer holidays perfect

Many thousands of people in Switzerland do everything day in, day out so that guests in our country can have absolutely perfect holidays. Many do things that others do not even think about.

Introducing CADIE

Research group switches on world's first "artificial intelligence" tasked-array system. For several years now a small research group has been working on some challenging problems in the areas of neural networking, natural language and autonomous problem-solving.

Last fall this group achieved a significant breakthrough: a powerful new technique for solving reinforcement learning problems, resulting in the first functional global-scale neuro-evolutionary learning cluster. Since then progress has been rapid, and tonight we're pleased to announce that just moments ago, the world's first Cognitive Autoheuristic Distributed-Intelligence Entity (CADIE) was switched on and began performing some initial functions.

It's an exciting moment that we're determined to build upon by coming to understand more fully what CADIE's emergence might mean, for Google and for our users. So although CADIE technology will be rolled out with the caution befitting any advance of this magnitude, in the months to come users can expect to notice her influence on various google.com properties. Earlier today, for instance, CADIE deduced from a quick scan of the visual segment of the social web a set of online design principles from which she derived this intriguing homepage.

These are merely the first steps onto what will doubtless prove a long and difficult road. Considerable bugs remain in CADIE'S programming, and considerable development clearly is called for. But we can't imagine a more important journey for Google to have undertaken. For more information about CADIE see this monograph, and follow CADIE's progress via her YouTube channel and blog.


Announcing the world’s first flying hotel!

Experience the adrenaline rush of taking off and flying high in the largest helicopter ever produced.

The Hotelicopter features 18 luxuriously-appointed rooms for adrenaline junkies seeking a truly unique and memorable travel experience. Each soundproofed room is equipped with a queen-sized bed, fine linens, a mini-bar, coffee machine, wireless internet access, and all the luxurious appointments you’d expect from a flying five star hotel. Room service is available one hour after liftoff and prior to landing. See more pictures in the Photo Gallery.

The Hotelicopter’s excellent crew and staff make your security and safety their number one priority. Our vehicle meets or exceeds all safety, operating, and maintenance requirements outlined by the FAA in the CFR (Code of Federal Regulations) relating to transport category rotorcraft. The Hotelicopter is due to fly its maiden journey this summer. Interested in learning more? Become our fan on facebook or follow us on twitter to receive our complete welcome kit and to be notified when our reservation system becomes open to the public.

Küken können rechnen

Von wegen dummes Huhn: Federvieh kann rechnen - und zwar schon als Küken. Sollten die Ergebnisse italienischer Forscher stimmen, wären Hühner in Sachen Rechenkunst selbst Affen überlegen.

London - Das Unterscheiden von "größer" und "kleiner" scheint kein besonderes Kunststück zu sein: Viele Tiere sind dazu fähig, doch selbst dies gelingt ihnen meist nur, wenn sie zwei Gruppen im direkten Vergleich zueinander sehen. Hühner aber scheinen zu abstrakterem Denken fähig zu sein: Sie unterscheiden auch dann größer von kleiner, wenn die zur Wahl stehenden Gruppen nach kurzer Zeit verdeckt werden. Und sie rechnen sogar mit, wenn die Größen der Gruppen vor ihren Augen verändert werden, haben Rosa Rugani und ihre Kollegen von der Universität Trient herausgefunden.

Das Ergebnis ist verblüffend, da vorherige Studien ergeben hatten, dass beispielsweise Affen und selbst mehrere Monate alte Kleinkinder auf den Zahlenraum von eins bis drei beschränkt sind. Die Küken hingegen konnten offenbar im Zahlenraum von eins bis fünf rechnen, schreiben die Wissenschaftler im renommierten Fachmagazin "Proceedings of the Royal Society B". Dabei seien die flauschigen Genies nur drei bis vier Tage alt gewesen.
In der Vorbereitungsphase legten die Forscher den Küken zunächst für einige Stunden fünf kleine gelbe Bälle in den Käfig, bei denen es sich ausgerechnet um die Innenbehälter aus Überraschungseiern handelte. Als sich die Tiere an die künstlichen Artgenossen gewöhnt hatten, entfernten die Wissenschaftler die Bälle aus dem Käfig und ließen sie vor den Augen der eingesperrten Küken hinter zwei Abschirmungen verschwinden: zwei Bälle links und drei Bälle rechts.

Nachdem die Küken freigelassen worden waren, liefen sie spontan zu der Abschirmung, hinter der sich mehr Bälle und damit der größere Anreiz befanden. Dann steigerten die Forscher den Schwierigkeitsgrad und stellten den Küken Rechenaufgaben: Sie ließen zunächst vier Bälle hinter dem linken und einen Ball hinter dem rechten Schirm verschwinden. Dann ließen sie zwei Bälle von links nach rechts wandern, alles vor den Augen der Küken.

Nun befanden sich auf der linken Seite nur noch zwei Bälle und auf der rechten Seite drei. Der Vorgang entsprach also der Subtraktion 4 - 2 = 2 in Bezug auf die linke Seite beziehungsweise der Addition 1 + 2 = 3 in Bezug auf die rechte Seite. Die Küken liefen daraufhin zur rechten Seite. Sie hatten offenbar mitgezählt und wussten, wo sich nun die größere Anzahl an Bällen befand, folgerten die Forscher.

Zur Kontrolle bekamen die Küken anschließend weitere Aufgaben, die sie ebenfalls ohne Probleme lösten. Zusätzlich überprüften die Forscher, ob sich die jungen Hühner auch dann für die größere Zahl an Objekten entscheiden, wenn diese unterschiedlich groß sind: Hatten die Küken die Wahl zwischen zwei Würfeln auf der linken Seite und drei kleineren Würfeln auf der rechten Seite, entschieden sie sich dennoch für die rechte Seite. Ausschlaggebend war demnach tatsächlich die Anzahl der Gegenstände - Größe und Volumen schienen keine Rolle zu spielen.

"Der Aufbau dieses Experiments ist das Ergebnis von rund zehn Jahren Forschung", sagte Studienleiterin Rugani im Gespräch mit SPIEGEL ONLINE. Es sei nun erstmals bewiesen, dass die Fähigkeit zu abstraktem Rechnen unabhängig von Kultur, Sprache oder Ausbildung existieren könne.

Bei den Versuchen habe man sich die Tatsache zunutze gemacht, dass das Überleben von Küken davon abhängt, nicht von der Gruppe getrennt zu werden. "Die anderen Küken können leicht hinter Büschen oder Bäumen verschwinden, weshalb es für die Tiere nützlich ist, auch ohne direkten Sichtkontakt zu wissen, wo sich die Gruppe befindet", so Rugani. Möglicherweise besäßen die Küken deshalb schon im Alter von wenigen Tagen die Fähigkeit, abstrakt zu rechnen.

Hate the admin? Office prank on the secretary.

If you really hate an administrative assistant (or secretary as we all used to say back in the golden days of calling people what they were) here are a couple of prank ideas that will certainly drive her nuts or even make her want to get onto an office rampage.

One to play on the secretary with about 10 phone lines to handle: Get a bunch of people to call her all at once. Half of them ask for people (funniest if people are made up or miss-pronounced), and the other half state "please hold for [someone important]," or just "please hold."

Of course there is no end to the loop on those calls. Watch the secretary get more nervous by the minute ... if she can’t take a prank, take cover or simply go on vacation for a month.

Or why not take some papers from the recycling bin (still in neat physical condition) and put them in her desk file drawer when absent. Drives her nuts trying to figure out why she saved those papers. If you really need to give it to her: put them into the conference or signing folders of her boss. Chances are she’ll put them onto the CEO’s desk without double checking (cuz it always worked, right?). Can you imagine his face when asked to sign the bi-annual office beer drinking Olympics fund raiser?

If you have access to her scheduler make up fake appointments with hieroglyphical abbreviations well into the future such as: “Bob to call GYCB for ABB workshop approval” – or “Layoff’s” – or “Bubble wrap for Judy’s gift” – or “MICM board meeting” – or the likes.

Othello Prank!

Wow, that dude must really have misbehaved very badly. Obviously they set him ablaze after passing out and decorated him with parts of his melted brain tissue.

On second thought and judging by the bright lights and sterile/boring environment he might just as well be a victim of police torture.

Tobacco boarding is known to the human rights activists as the “attempt to make a torture victim to be under the impression of chain smoking while the cigars and other tobacco products are not even lit”.

The sheer sensation of ash-tray-rubbed facial skin after awaking from a total alcohol blackout two nights past the actual event combined with blinding lights shone into the face of the victim qualify for brutal violations of the Geneva convention.

Office Prankster - The perfect gag. Remote Controlled fart machine


Office Prankster - The perfect gag. Remote Controlled fart machine


Remote Controlled Secret Sound machine (using a discrete remote controlled calculator). Record your own sounds !! Hide the sound device under a colleagues desk. Choose one of the pre-recorded sounds .. Fart, Wolf Whistle, Fly, Modem, Burp, and others, or record your own sound. Set off a barage of abuse using the buttons on your remote control calculator.

Party Prank Photo – Another Morning After (at Grandma's Place)

Decorating a friend after passing out is always great fun. This one here doesn’t really go all the way but as we can see the snow-white-armed dude to the right is probably just getting started.


On a different note though: judging from by the furniture at hand who doesn’t want to get wasted in record time at grandma’s? Whoohoo, did you see that stinkin’ rug? The composition of the picture on the wall and the butt-ugly curtains give away one of the most boring souls with outstandingly mediocre taste.

The hat stand was probably standing on top of that rug, the perfect place where a one-eyed, 22 year old, farting Siamese cat would rest during the day.

Could be a sect’s guest room really or a priests adventurous bedroom (maybe the bloke to the right is the owner of the place which would explain the white robe hanging from that little sinner’s bank he is about to place on top of that pile.

Any other idea about the scenery here? Lettus know!

More Office pranks, bulletin board pranks – Mirror mess-up and color confusion

Bulletin boards are attractive targets for group pranks and individual pranks pulled on your coworkers. From swapping to mirror-imaging – here you can have loads of fun and get people really messed-up.

We suggest stretching a series of billboard pranks over several weeks. Especially when going undetected you can play this forever or when you run out of ideas – whatever occurs first. But even if you get caught, getting known as the guy who messes around with people’s bulletin boards can earn you some respect, black eyes or your next date – if you know what we mean.

Why don’t you start with something simple and (actually) not too uncommon? Say: just to get the whole story started and your workplace used to whatever will hit them next. Start with swapping a handful of bulletin boards from office to office or cubicle to cubicle. You might want to wait a day or three and keep dead-quiet about it, maybe wondering yourself a bit at cafeteria discussions about the incident.

Arranging all items up-side-down can be a good start as well. A bit boring but you’re only getting warmed-up, right?

Next your could take people’s bulletin boards and mirror-copy everything that’s on there, arrange the mirror copies the same way as the originals. Some coworkers will take forever to even notice, some will be stunned, others will have a ball (consider taking those in for some bigger office pranks down the road).

Something quite similar could be done with colored copies instead of mirror copies of all items from one bulleting boar. Replace all paper copies with exact copies but on different colored paper. If you know of someone who uses the bulletin board quite actively (who in the world would?) replacing items, exchanging or re-arranging quite frequently (what a moron anyway!) you should definitively consider gluing them!

Public bulleting boards can serve as a great prank platform too! Compromising images from a boss or coworker you hate can be placed there for everyone to see. In our opinion you could run this prank for years when smart enough never being caught. Hiding such pictures or notes (circle spelling errors from a CEO note might apply for instance or a personal note between folks who try to hide their relationship) in between a full load of office announcements can increase the fun level a bit as well.

Finally but not conclusively (and again: it’s all up to your imagination and duration) apply real sticky glue to the bulleting board items or a really strong smell. Guess how long it will take for someone to finally nail down that origination of the nuisance. Or even acquire the smell themselves just by touching a note from that bulleting board.

Let us know if you have any more ideas to bring some fun to work.

Beer king retired! Six pack mix feature.


This is what happens when mixing different brand six pack randomly. There are three bottles still unopened. Shame on the beer king!

It just took 14 small bottles of beer to pass out for the beer king? Well, we don’t see all the labels really. Maybe one of the bottles was filled with nitro glycerin. This would explain the king’s warm smile there.

The beer king’s crown sits flawlessly though, you have to give him that!

Computer Equipment Swap Office Prank

Mess around with people’s computer equipment while being on vacation. Swapping keys is particularly funny. This works without having software access.

When co-workers return from longer absence they tend to forget their computer passwords and need to get used to many routines from scratch.

Swapping keys on their keyboard (say: swap N with M and/or P with O) will provide for loads of fun. Especially when one of those letters was used in a password!

Switching the T, H, and E keys with the S, E, and X keys can produce funny situations as well. This works best with people of do not look at their keyboard while typing. This 58 year old professional admin might be a good prank target for that or the well hated CEO admin bitch (you know, the one that keeps telling you what to do all the time) who, on top of things, feels too damn important to double-check her texts. It’s payback time baby!

More obvious but equally rewarding could be a monitor swap or any other cable connection mess-up. Imagine Tim seeing Jane’s desktop when switching on his monitor. Albeit quickly discovered this harmless prank could involve the whole team depending on how you want to play it and how much effort you want to put into this office prank.

A hand from the IT department can create real chaos here (use extended amounts of extension cords to miss-connect loads of machines. Include mice and keyboards and you are sure to mess up the entire office.

Got more ideas or want to report on your recent office prank on computer hardware? Add on to this prank with your comments.

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Fake kidnapping prank – play it cute or mean

If you want to play a cute prank for once or you need to give your team a break from some evil past doing, here is a harmless but effective prank for you.

Take a Polaroid to work or any other place you want to play this. In an unobserved moment take an item away your prank target really likes or needs, best: both. Stuffed animals works great, keys, lunch box (full of course, right before lunch time).

Take a Polaroid picture of the “borrowed” item and leave it with a ransom letter at the original place.

Famous ransoms could be a dinner invitation, a date (maybe not with the boss), a six pack or a fake ransom letter requesting the release of someone the other person has stolen or taken away (your heart, a friend, a hobby without sharing).

Depending on your effort this could really be neat and the talk of town (or the office) for a while. Obviously you can play this neat and cute or mean but the closer you get to a threat the less you refer to this website please (read the disclaimer buddy!).

A fake kidnapping with people is not advised if kids are involved. Have some decency!

But an obvious fun kidnapping, if well done, as a bachelor prank or game is always appreciated. Especially at April Fool's Day.

Your additional prank ideas or experience here please

Plastic Wrap Prank – Foil-Wrap EVERYTHING!

If you really want someone’s attention get one of those industrial size plastic foil wrap rolls companies use to wrap their palettes in.

You can do this prank yourself or get a hand by a couple of buddies. As a team you could actually wrap the entire building!

Its really simple and straight forward: in an unattended moment wrap just everything from someone you dislike or just want to pull a prank on. Entire desks are popular, lockers, bundles of clothes, coats, shoes, shelves, equipment, drawer content, books, plans, computers, bicycles, you name it…

The trick is to really use a LOT of foil. For instance you should walk around the car or desk at least 5 times and wrap it really tight. It’s quite annoying and not too easy to get the tightly wrapped plastics foil off.

This prank works even better when played on someone who is in a real hurry. Wrapping up toilet booths or cubicles should be done with someone inside. Especially when there is no pointy object around to get the foil pierced. Watch folks using their teeth or high heels instead.

If you really want to overdo it, entire buildings come to mind.

Here is a sneaky one:

A couple, caught in the act, let’s say: at a party! Delivered in plastic foil while still being “plugged” – now THAT should make it to the news!

Have fun and share your experience and ideas here.

It’s snowing! Car prank – a car, someone you hate and polystyrene

You need three things: someone you hate, access to his car and polystyrene (e.g. Styropor or Styrofoam) packaging foam.

Crumble all the polystyrene into very tiny pieces and sneak into someone’s car. Now, pour a couple of hands full of the polystyrene into all the air vents and direct them upwards.

Before leaving the car check for tracks and remove any polystyrene piece that might be visible. The car needs to look as entered. Don’t forget to turn the ventilation to full blast before you go.

You need to have an excuse to hand around the car when ignited. You don’t want to miss this moment.

Maybe you got a friend who will be given a lift. Make him take photos, while entering the car he could claim that he needs to check something on his camera.

This prank works well for a wedding! It’s up to you if you want to do this right before church or rather afterwards or even next day. This makes a great bachelor prank too, but it’s actually more fun with people who don’t expect to be pranked.

Like the bride’s parents for instance, right the moment when they pick up the wedding cake and mom wants to carry it in her lap for the short ride home.

Tell us if it worked and which divorce lawyer we can call for an entry into the Guinness Book of Records for the fastest divorce after a wedding prank.

Variations: Buses, vans (packed with 8 people right before taking off for vacation), or you can just the stuff into someone’s umbrella on a rainy day…

Cell Phone Prank - Handy Tricks to Lose Friends

If you have access to someone's cell phone and know their contacts you should not let that opportunity pass!

Imagine your buddy sends a steamy sms cell phone text message to his darling in the middle of a lonely night and gets an irritated response from his boss the next morning.

Or family members are granted the true thoughts from your girl friend about their stupid gaming nights every other Sunday.

Mother-in-laws are very welcome receivers of love letters of their daughters for example or better even: of their son-in-laws.

Get the idea?

Get into the contacts phone book of someone's cell phone and just swap a couple of names (don't overdo, a couple are fine for focussed fun). As most people hit a name and do not double check with the number when sending off their hot sexual phantasies to their lover boys or gal's it is easy to assign grandma's number to the name of someone's love of their life.

Maximum prank fun can be achieved if you could swap the names of your buddy's mother-in-law with the secretary he is cheating her daughter with.

Mean? Of course!
Fun? Tons!

You'll lose all your friends (and teeth) and get a couple of new, wrong ones in exchange. But hey: it's worth it all the while, trust us!

Share your story with the crowd here. A picture of your knocked-out teeth are weclome too.

Who’s talking? Workplace double phone prank.

This can make for hours of fun. Play pairs of clueless co-workers against each other by setting them up with a simple cross-line experiment.

You need a unsuspicious office or meeting room with working phone connections or cell phones for that matter. Gather your friends or even a bigger crowd to enjoy the fun. In this case speaker phones work great. The better the quality the more likely you’ll experience a couple of long, confused conversations.

Get two phones into place (test before the prank).

Now, put them next to each other. Have a list of people who match or don’t ready. For example: know of two guys who can’t stand each other and get into regular cock fights? Great! Contrast in ranks work great or entirely unknown-to-each-other folks.

Dial the phone numbers of two other co-workers you wish to “surprise”. On the ring, hold the phones together, speaker to microphone, so that one of the phones can hear the other and vice versa.

Don’t interfere, don’t do anything, the “callers” will do all the acting. If you can, switch of caller ID recognition or use cell phones unknown to the internal phone network.

You can even do this in private among friends and family. Record the whole thing for later use (at parties for example). You might even catch some really nasty stuff. Go for the most fun experience setting up the boss with a couple of suck-up’s on a Friday night or Monday morning.

Better even right before an important meeting. In that case make sure, you’re not invited. In fact, you might want to make sure not to see the prank victims for a while or your mimicry might give away too much.

If someone tells on you: good luck for a new job. But hey, THAT prank should really be worth it. And who knows: you might have recorded something that saves your butt!

Useless Windows Desktop – The Desktop Dummy Olympics

How to mess up someone’s first office minutes (for some it might take hours ;-)

Get this: get access to someone’s computer while (s)he’s away. Take a screen shot of the desktop and safe it as a .jpg file wherever you like.

Now run the control panel, “Display” and apply this very picture as the wallpaper in the Desktop options (browse for the file location where you just saved the .jpg of the screen shot.

Hide all icons on the original desktop (in Windows XP: right click in the desktop, Arrange Icons By… and de-activate “Show Desktop Icons”). Now hide the task bar (right click on it, Properties and activate “Auto-hide the taskbar”.

When the user returns everything looks normal but nothing reacts on the click!

Get your buddies, a can of soda, a stop watch and find a good hiding/observation spot. Measure the time until the user finds out. Repeat independently with other co-workers.

Next lunch break you can award the dumbest users (longest time taken to figure it out) with the Desktop Dummy Olympics medals that could be made of CR-ROM’s or diskettes. Decoration of the medals and the contestants is up to your fantasy and the humor barrier of your co-workers and boss.

We’d love to hear from you. Maybe you want to share some pictures? Have fun!

Sicky prank: how to get beaten up on purpose

If you are horrendously bored here is a series of pranks that guarantees tons of fun for yourself and to be kicked in the head by at least one of your prank victims. Works great on airports, Baseball stadiums, the subway and in big city centers, malls and the likes.

There are days in our lives when nothing can really entertain us. So you need an idea for a solid entertainment that will, by the way, make great stories for your prank victims to share afterwards as well.

In a mall or airport, for example, you could cough and sneeze walking behind someone and then lightly toss a rolled-up napkin into their neck. Works best when playing this on a couple. Pick the male for safety (as he’ll try to behave in front of his girl). Or you can fetch the full load by doing this on the girl, any guy who is half a man will jump right into your brains to defend her.

Instead of tossing the Kleenex you could just as well fan air their way so as if the air from your cough is felt.

As a special twist you could wet your hand (works best with sneezing), walk up behind them and after sneezing wave your hand their way (to splash some droplets their way). Making an excusing gesture or mumble “excuse me!” might prevent you from being seriously harmed but there is no guarantee.

If you really want to go for the pain do this on a large redneck guy. If he’s not ready to get physical just yet, add smiling: “did you know that sneezing on huge, disgusting pimples – like the ones on your neck – make them stink like your old socks?”

Now, this is the moment to enjoy the show or RUUUN!!!!

Have fun, send footage or your own story. Keep the socks.

Computer Prank: Auto-Screensaver Nuisance

Microsoft Windows screensavers are great toys. And they make a great prank companion too! Wait for your prank victim to leave the workstation or laptop, make sure (s)he’ll be gone for a couple of minutes. The least suspicious you are to the victim, the wilder you can go here.

Try this on your computer first to gain some confidence and speed. You can also try this prank at home or in an internet cafe.

Minimize all programs and right-click the targeted desktop. Under Properties look for the Screen Saver option. Select Marquee and assign a password (don’t forget it! “Bitch” works well or “Moron” if you can find a solid association with the targeted victim).

The scrolling text could read something like this: “What’s the f@]&%ing password?!” or “Did you know you were recorded in the bathroom this morning” or other fun stuff like “We know what you did last weekend!”.

Sky is the limit, just don’t give too much away that might point to you.

Now for the real deal: Look for the file C:\WINNT\system32\ssmarque.scr (it might be located in a different path, so use the system search or you might have to disable the Tools/Folder Option “Hide Known Extensions”). and create a shortcut. Copy/paste the shortcut into the StartUp folder, so that the screen saver will be automatically activated when Windows starts up!
Watch the madness unfold and have fun. Add a twist by sending the only capable IT guy to run some errands for three hours and leave for vacation.

Let us know how it worked out and what kind of scrolling text you used.

The landscape is not the journey!

 

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